I felt like I was letting my hard-keeper horse down.

Not feeling confident in your horse's diet sucks.

I know exactly how it feels, because I lived it, and it shaped my teenaged years with my ottb, Honor.

He is lovely and perfect and quirky and sensitive, and the coolest horse I've ever sat on and probably ever will.

He took to jumping, cross country, Pony Club, eventing, all so well, and took care of me while both of us were new to all of it.

So constantly worrying about keeping weight on him sucked.

Here he was, giving me his all, and that hint of rib kept popping up, taunting me that I was letting him down.

This experience inspired a dogged, tenacious hyperfixation on equine nutrition, and ultimately drove me to pursue equine science when it came time to apply to university.

It followed me through undergrad, and into grad school: I would not let that feeling of helplessness, frustration and inadequacy touch me or one of my equine best friends again.

Now, I still think about how I would have fed him when he was eventing, and how I wish I could have known what I do now, way back then.

But I'm comforted by his wellness in his retirement, as a 25 y/o horse who moves with no discomfort, who never looks a day over 10, who maintains the body condition we always chased way back then.

The lessons we learn and the changes we make now matter.

And now, I get to help others escape the feeling I know too well, and that? Well, that doesn't feel like I'm letting him down at all.

Stop feeling helpless.